Follow me here for a moment. . .
Someone online once pointed out that historians LOVE really boring people because they answer history's little questions. Of course I can't find the source right now but it pointed out that by reading diaries historians learn so much. I'm not talking about the diary of famous people but the person who writes about their quarrels with the neighbor is also the person who explains in excruciating detail what they do to get ready in the morning. Well, without that written down how would we know about it and be able to explain clothing that we have found and why it was made in such a manner? So for my own ego, for future historians, and for any great grandnieces/nephews I'm writing down my timeline from the past two weeks or so. Feel free to skip this post because it is loooooooooooooong. This post is mostly so that I can look back and remember what it was like.
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Dear historian,
First of all, you are welcome. This is your view into how an average person living in central Texas feels about COVID-19 (or whatever name has stuck with it). I will do my best to be honest but time does corrode memory. Take this with a grain of salt . . . and maybe a shot of tequila too. (The future has tequila, right? Please tell me that we still have vodka!) I wish the rest of this was tongue-in-cheek but I'm not a good enough writer to create humor.
Monday, March 2 - Around this time (maybe the week before) people are talking about the novel coronavirus or COVID-19. It has hit China hard. I'm being told to cover my cough/sneeze with my elbow (like Dracula covering his face with his cloak), avoid touching my face, and to wash my hands thoroughly (for 20 seconds with soap and warm water). I am now way too conscious of how often I touch my face. I start rubbing my nose against my shoulder when it itches. I figure no one is going to be touching my shoulder . . . I hope.
Friday, March 6 - Last day of work before Spring Break! Everyone at the high school where I work is looking forward to the break. We host a luncheon to thank the teachers who have been working so hard. It's basically a sandwich bar. We lay out bread, meats, cheeses, cookies, and lemonade. We use basic food safety (using gloves and/or tongs to get food and such). Lots of people show up, so much that we have to make a run to the grocery store for more food. Everyone is in good spirits.
Tuesday, March 10 - Now everyone is suggesting different songs that you can sing for 20 seconds while washing your hands. The original suggestion was singing Happy Birthday twice but that gets old fast. It's pretty fun and lighthearted. My source for news is mostly social media (Facebook and Twitter). It sounds like things are really bad outside of the US and there are certain areas where it's bad in the US (the state of Washington sounds terrible). Some people are posting that this is going to be terrible, some people are saying this is like the flu. I'm a little concerned about a friend who just started on a cruise as it seems there are some breakouts on cruises. I read a lot about people not being able to find toilet paper in stores. Who the heck is stockpiling toilet paper? This isn't cholera!
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| An example of a song to sing while washing your hands. |
Wednesday, March 11 - Scrolling through Facebook is getting my anxiety up. I read up about "flattening the curve". This is the idea that if we avoid getting within 6 feet of each other, called "social distancing", that we can prevent a rapid spread of the virus. I post asking people to do this. I read about Italy's hospitals being overwhelmed and now I'm starting to panic that the same thing will happen in the US. I thank my lucky stars that I am not super social so this won't require much of a change for me.
Thursday, March 12 - I go to brunch with some of my friends from work. I don't worry about social distancing because there are no cases anywhere near me. All everyone at the restaurant is talking about is the coronavirus. We are all very glad that there are no cases in our county and I don't think of any of us hesitated to go to brunch. I talk to my husband about getting some food in case one of us gets sick and we therefore will not be leaving the house. I say that I'll go today or tomorrow. My husband suggests I go today. I grab about 8 cans of soup and a few frozen meals like lasagna; I don't want to take too much. I'm surprised to find that there is no toilet paper and no paper towels at the store. I find a 24 pack of toilet paper at Target. That will last us quite a while.
In the evening I have a small group meeting for church at a friend's house. There are about 12 of us and most of the members are 50 years old or older. Again, I don't think anyone hesitated to come to our meeting. My husband and I start to wonder if the school district will extend Spring Break as others (in North Texas, for example) have already done.
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| The toitlet paper and paper towel aisle at our grocery store on 3/12/20 |
Friday, March 13 - This is when I really feel the panic settling in for the long haul.
8:30 am - Our Episcopal church announces that we will not pass an offering plate. Instead, there will be a plate at each entrance when we first come into church. We are to avoid physical contact; they suggest a bow during the exchanging of peace.
Noon - Our county has our first presumed positive case of COVID-19 (Tests are difficult to get in the US so we treat "presumed positive" to be just like "positive"). Our church announces that we will stand for communion (no kneeling) and there will be no wine offered. Our service at 10:30am will be streamed live via Facebook.
6pm - The bishop of our diocese has asked the entire diocese to worship from home for the next two Sundays. Our church will have only one service at 9:30am and it will be streamed live on Facebook. The only people physically in attendance will be clergy and alter servers. Our school district announces that Spring Break will continue through the next week.
At this point I'm a ball of anxiety. I can't stop worrying about my family: my parents are older and therefore more at risk. My brother is an ER doctor and therefore is likely to be exposed. My oldest sister works in a prison which means she is in contact with many people on a daily basis and, in my brain, is more likely to be exposed. My sister is pregnant and therefore more at risk. My brother-in-law is diabetic which means he is also more at risk. I don't worry about my physical health or that of my husband because we are both in our early 30's and are in good health . . . but what about everyone else? What if our hospitals become overwhelmed? The spiral of anxious thoughts in my head won't stop. I'm no longer sleeping well at night. I won't have another night of decent sleep for nearly a week.
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| The official letter sent by our district's superintendent. |
Saturday, March 14 - I decide that I need to focus on my mental health. I resolve to delete Facebook from my phone after my church's Eucharist on Sunday. I read about Italy and cry; their hospitals are overwhelmed and they are begging us in the US to not do what they did. They are begging us to practice social distancing NOW before it is too late. What I read shows that the US is about 7-10 days behind Italy. Everything I see points to us going down the same road or worse because we are testing a smaller percent of our population. I am panicking that we might have a much larger number of people who have COVID-19 but we don't know because they aren't being tested. I'm now mentally slapping myself for going to brunch and my small group meeting just two days ago. Why did I take the risk?! I decide that I will firmly stick to social distancing and will find creative ways to stay in contact with my family and friends.
Sunday, March 15 - I attend my church's Eucharist service via the streaming video. I cry so much during the first half of the service that I can barely sing. I miss everyone at church so much; I miss singing, I miss the laughter, I miss the fellowship. Shortly after the service I post to my blog and delete Facebook from my phone. By the end of the day I can tell a
huge difference in how I'm feeling. I'm now spending a lot of time on Instagram which is great because I get to see photos and videos of my friends and their families.
Monday, March 16 - I go to the grocery store to get our usual weekly groceries. I didn't make much of a list because I figured that they would be out of some things. I was so wrong. I would estimate that
nearly half of everything is sold out. The only pasta left is lasagna noodles. There are no canned soups, no eggs, no toilet paper, no paper towels, no caster sugar, no powdered sugar. I grab what I think will help us but keep in mind that others need food too. I count myself blessed to buy 2 packages of chicken breasts (8 breasts in total) and plan to put them in the freezer because it seems like the world has gone crazy. I go home and cry because my anxiety is out of control again. I decide to make a schedule for myself for this week to try to bring some sense of normalcy to life.
Tuesday, March 17 - My church's vestry (it's like a church council who take care of finances and other things regarding the physical church and it's congregation) decides to meet virtually via a video conferencing program called Zoom. It was wonderful to see everyone and interact with them! I realize the importance of actually
seeing people and not just photos/videos of them. I spend a lot of today working on my schedule for this week. Even if I don't stick to the schedule, it really helps me from becoming depressed. There's something about simply
knowing that there are things to do and having a purpose that makes me feel better.
Wednesday, March 18- I try (and fail) to follow my schedule but I get a few things done like start practicing French on Duolingo (it's a free app). I have my yearly check-up at the large hospital in town. Everything I see gives me anxiety because it feels so different. They have closed many of the entrances. When I get to an open entrance, there is a person there with a hospital mask and gloves on. She asks me the following: Have you traveled out of the country in the past 14 days? Do you have fever or cough? Have you been in contact with anyone who has COVID-19? Are you here for an appointment? Once I answer her questions I am allowed through. It's not until I leave that I notice the security guard a few feet from her. The hospital feels empty. Sure, there are a few people in the halls but not nearly the usual number; they have severely limited the number of visitors allowed. The waiting room for my doctor is nearly empty. I have never seen it with fewer than 20 people but today there are about 5 of us. Everyone sits as far from each other as possible. Thank GOD my nurse practitioner is friendly and generally a wonderful person. She calms my fears about everything and I go home feeling much better than I when I arrived.
I get a call from my church's interim rector (who, by the way, is so freaking awesome. I love her). She wants to pick my brain about how we can keep the congregation connected and we discuss how great the vestry meeting was. She suggests a virtual movie event and asks me to head it. I gladly accept since I have some free time, I love movies, and I'm good with technology.
Next thing I know our school has announced that we will start remote learning next week. My husband is already meeting with his fellow chemistry teachers via Google Hangout (video conference program) to discuss what this will look like. They will need both online resources and paper packets for our students who do not have reliable internet access. Various people in our district are sending emails detailing what this will look like. I am given a schedule showing that I will be on campus two days next week. They are rotating out office staff so that the campus is "open". This means that we will be able to enroll/withdraw students, request student records, send student records, etc. We will be keeping with CDC recommendations and there will be fewer than 10 people in the office at a time. We will keep at least 6 feet away from each other. I have lots of questions but I am still receiving emails so I refrain from asking anyone further questions.
Thursday, March 19 - Honestly, I was expecting the US to be more or less locked-down like Italy at this point. I go to the grocery store at 8am because I use their pharmacy and I have a prescription I need to pick up. When I get there there is a line to enter (they are now open 8am-8pm). Most people are keeping a shopping cart in front of them and the person in front of them in line so that they aren't too close together. Since I only wanted to pick up my medicine and some eggs, I wait in my car for a while. At 8:15 people are no longer spaced but there is still a line to enter the store. Since there is an entrance next the to pharmacy, I walk over to it. A manager of the store stops me and explains that it is an exit only. I tell him that I only needed to go to the pharmacy and he allows me to enter. While waiting at the pharmacy counter I see that already people are filling up their carts to overflowing. The shelves seem stocked! I decide that it's best to get my medicine and try to get eggs another day.
Most of today was spent reading for my small group meeting, arranging things for the church's virtual movie afternoon, and reading work emails. I posted a live video of my thoughts from the Lent devotional my church made. I plan on doing that every day of Lent. A friend surprised me with a video chat around lunchtime. It was so good to hear from her! After some technology trouble my small group was able to meet this evening thanks go Google Hangouts. Again, it was really nice to see people while talking to them. That gets me to here!
My motivation to chronicle this comes from my experience with 9/11. I was 13 years old and I have have a couple of distinct memories from that day and the weeks after. I wish that I had written down somewhere what the changes were like for me. The biggest change was how quiet the skies became. I lived close to DFW airport and it was eerily quiet when they grounded all air travel. I had never noticed the noise the planes made until suddenly it was gone. I don't want to forget all of this. Also, I'm very curious if I will look back and think "My goodness! How did I not know that x would happen? Why didn't I do z?" Well, future Clare, I am confident in this moment that I am doing the best I can with the information I have. That's all I can do for now.
-Clare G. S.
