I Might Be a Volunteer

Yes, the title is correct. I might be a FIFA volunteer but I'm not sure. Here's what has happened in the past week:

Friday, May 23 - I receive an email from FIFA offering me a role as a volunteer on the Accreditation team! (For my BCCC friends, it's what we would call Registration) I click the button to accept the offer. I quickly have access to more areas on the app. I read through the paperwork to accept my role, accept the code of conduct, etc. 

Saturday, May 24 - The FIFA app now has even more areas I can explore. I can start some online training, I can use the group message for my team, and I can pick my schedule. When I go to pick my schedule, the only dates available are May 26 through June 12 and it's only Monday through Friday. Of the shifts available, I could theoretically take a shift each Friday in June (2 shifts). However, we are required to sign-up for a minimum of eight shifts. I go into the app and click on the Volunteer Support Channel (it's like submitting a help ticket) It says that the average response time is 48 to 72 hours but it may take longer during the tournament period. I fill out the form, receive an automated email confirmation, and wait.

Sunday, May 25 through Thursday, May 28 - I go ahead and start some of the online training. I check my email daily but I don't receive anything from FIFA except automated reminders to sign-up for shifts.

Friday, May 29 - I still haven't heard anything and I've been very busy at work. That evening I send a message in my team's group chat explaining my problem and asking what I should do. I know the team lead is on there so I'm hoping they can give me some advice.

Saturday, May 30 - All the app access I gained a week ago has now disappeared, including access to the group chat. However, I still get notifications whenever someone posts a message in the group chat. The message when I open the app states that I didn't book any volunteer shifts so I may be dismissed from the volunteer program. It also states that if I need help with scheduling, I should put in another ticket in the Volunteer Support Channel. 

The message I currently see on the app stating I might lose my volunteer position.

I plan on entering another ticket. I have to admit that this is an emotional roller coaster. I really want to volunteer in the World Cup; I don't care what role I have! It's so frustrating to get so close to my goal and then for it to suddenly disappear without any real communication. I'm trying to stay positive but as the tournament gets closer, I'm feeling like it's unlikely I'll get to volunteer. Here's hoping things turn around soon.

-Clare G. S.

The Newest FIFA World Cup Volunteer

. . . is not me but I'm not out of the running yet. About 10 days ago I finally got an update from FIFA: I could be on their reserve roster. In other words, if a volunteer is not able to fulfill their duties, I might be offered their spot. I accepted the reserve roster role and I'm still checking my email semi-weekly to make sure I don't miss any updates. 

The long-awaited email from FIFA

In familial news, my mother-in-law and father-in-law have moved into their new home. It's only a 10 minute drive from us. It's already been really nice to be far enough away that we have our own space but close enough that we can easily hop over there to drop off things or just say hi.

My life feels like it might be getting back to a pace that I can handle. There are still plenty of tears when I think about my dad. Just today I received in the mail a note I had written to the tooth fairy at least 30 years ago. The accompanying explanation from my mom told me that she had found the note in the drawer of my dad's nightstand. My first instinct is to say, "I can't believe he kept it for so long!" but then I remember how much he loved all of his kids. Of course he kept little keepsakes to remind him of those cherished memories.

I don't want to end on something quite so emotional so let's talk about band! After over 15 years without playing my French horn, I finally picked it up again last June. The local community college has a summer band program that is open to all musicians in their teens or older. A friend of mine told me about it and it sounded perfect for me; I could start playing my horn again in a low-stakes setting. I had a blast last year so I'm doing it again this year. We have rehearsal twice a week and then a concert after 4 weeks. Last year our pieces all came from musicals. This year will all be American composers since our country will soon celebrate 250 years as a nation.

That's all the news worth reporting. Here's hoping that the next few months will have some wonderful memories!

-Clare G. S.

Sundays

Sundays have become incredibly difficult for me. You see, my dad has been a deeply religious man my entire life. I was raised Roman Catholic but in an Anglican Use parish. That means that I grew up singing from an Episcopalian hymnal. A few years ago I officially converted and became Episcopalian.

I bring up all this because that means that the church I currently attend uses the exact same hymnal that I grew up with. The Sunday service is incredibly similar to the ones of my childhood (just less Latin!). The incredible irony is that I find myself unable to attend church, the one activity I know my dad would find most important that I do not miss. This morning, I was in tears before I even put on my shoes. Every minute of church brings me memories of my dad.

I think of him as an altar server, carefully attending to every detail to make sure Mass was celebrated just so. 

I think of my parents and siblings singing all of the hymns and me eager to sing with them.

I think of one of my favorite old photos of my dad: him as a choir boy, choir robes and all. And then how I've followed in his footsteps by joining my church's choir.

I think of him carefully gold-leafing the statues of St. Mary and St. Joseph. 

I think of his cremains, currently in a columbarium in the church. 

I am indecisive each Sunday morning. I want to go to church because it's a part of who I am and I truly believe it helps me be a decent human being. I want to go to church to honor my Dad. But I feel an urge to avoid church because I know it's going to hurt. I know I will start crying well before I even receive communion.

Today, I missed church and spent time with my spouse and our dogs instead. Perhaps my dad can pray for me as I pray for him. Perhaps by Sunday God will grant me the courage to face some pain with the knowledge that, eventually, it will hurt less and less.

My dad as a (grumpy) choir boy

-Clare G. S.

Louis

My dad, Louis

This isn't the post I thought I would write next but here we are. A month ago, on March 22, my dad passed away. We saw it coming but at the same time didn't. The previous Friday, I said goodbye to him at the hospital after visiting for a couple of days. I thought to myself "I'll see him in a few weeks, maybe at Easter". The next day I got the message from my brother and sister that I needed to head back to Dallas. Later that afternoon, my husband and I made it back to the hospital. We spent time with Dad. Not too long after midnight, he was gone.

I have never experienced this kind of mourning before. I like the metaphor my mom has: it's like swimming in the ocean. You see a massive wave coming and it pushes you underwater. You find your way back up and get some air. Not long after that, another wave hits. After some time, the waves are smaller and they become less frequent. Eventually you are able to keep your head above water for most of the waves. Those waves of grief can be immobilizing for me right now. Other times, it feels like he's just a phone call away. 

I don't know where to go with this post. I know that writing often helps me when I'm overwhelmed with emotions.  I think I would like to share some of the wonderful memories I have of my dad.

*As a teenager, I frequently woke up suddenly because my dad was downstairs watching The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly with the volume so high that I heard the "dun-ah-lah . .  wah wah wah".

*When I was a child, Dad often played the piano and I would dance. My favorite was the Raindrop Prelude by Chopin.

*I loved it when I fell asleep on the couch and he would carry me to my med.

*He loved our dog, Jojo, so much and she was obsessed with him. They were such a cute pair.

*Dad taught me about the cardinalities of infinity when I was in middle school. He always encouraged my love of math.

*My last conversation with him was about the etymology of the word "paradise". I'm glad that my final conversation with him was a mixture of a topic he loves, religion, and a topic I love, linguistics.

*He had the best mischievous wink.

*I remember watching and rewatching all the great British entertainment from Shakespeare's Henry V to the old Brit coms on PBS: Fawlty Towers, Keeping Up Appearances, Are You Being Served?, and Black Adder.

I'll leave with one thought that a really great therapist told me: Grief and love are two sides of the same coin. We wouldn't hurt this much while grieving it we didn't love that person so much. I love my dad so much. 

-Clare G. S.

FIFA World Cup - Applying to be a Volunteer

Well, it's been a few . . . years. Basic updates:

Pets - We currently have two dogs (they are mother & daughter), an aquarium of fish, but no birds. I little over a year ago we realized that we were not able to give my bird the care she deserved. We were very fortunate to have a friend who was able to take her in and give her great care. She's not the only bird in her new family which also makes me feel better about the situation.

Jobs - My spouse left teaching a little over a year ago and we bought a portion of an arcade bar. Life as a small business owner is always interesting! This past July I received a promotion to be the head of my department at the school district. So far, I'm really enjoying it.

Family - The big news here is that 1) my in-laws plan on moving to our area in the coming months and 2) my father is going through a difficult time health-wise. Things seem to be improving for my dad and I am incredibly grateful for that. Believe it or not, I'm actually looking forward to my in-laws being closer. They are truly lovely people so it will be nice to be able to drive to see them instead of flying 1,000 miles.

Why does the title of this entry mention the FIFA World Cup?

The men's World Cup is in the US this year and one of the host cities is Dallas. Sometime last summer (I don't remember when or how), I found out that FIFA was looking for volunteers to assist at the World Cup games. I really enjoy watching soccer but I know I could never afford tickets to a World Cup game. I figure that volunteering would be a fun way to be part of the games without being stupidly expensive. Plus, I've loved my time working with Bell County Comic Con. I figure if I enjoy working at an event with 40,000 visitors, I'll probably enjoy working for an event that's even bigger.

Back in August, I filled-out the online application to volunteer. It said I would be emailed with updates in the coming months. I was really worried I would miss that email so I set a reminder on my calendar to check my personal email at least twice a week for anything from FIFA. 

In mid-December, I received an email from FIFA inviting me to a volunteer tryout! I scheduled my tryout for mid-January. 

January 17, I went to Dallas for the tryout. The tryout was a one-on-one interview, a chance to find out more about the volunteer experience, and a chance to learn a bit of the history of the World Cup. While there, they explained that they had around 30,000 volunteer applications and only 15,000 were invited for a tryout. After the tryout, only 6,100 people will be chosen as volunteers. Whether I make it further or not, I'm really proud to be in the top 50% of applicants! I feel like my interview went really well so now I'm crossing my fingers that I get chosen.

The volunteer tryouts had A LOT of great places for photo ops

Volunteering for the FIFA World Cup is a once in a lifetime experience so I thought it would be best to record my experience here. It'll be really cool to look back on this in the years to come. In the next few weeks I should be adding a new blog post telling y'all if I was chosen as a volunteer or not. Send all the good vibes my way!

-Clare G. S.