"During that time, I was listening to a teacher who said, 'you always have to have some breakdown to have a breakthrough.' When I heard that, it made the hair on my arms stand up. It goes all the way back to birth. The baby’s not comfortable when it’s leaving it’s comfort space and it’s being pushed, through violent contractions to who knows where. So, I sorta developed that into my own saying, 'birth always looks like death from the other side.'" - Rob Seven
You know when you are little how everyone asks you, "what do you want to be when you grown up?" I would sometimes answer a singer or an actress but I always knew in my heart, for as long as I can remember, that I wanted to be a teacher. In kindergarten I wanted to be a teacher because I wanted to be a better teacher than the one I had. All the memories that remain of her are times that I was embarrassed or ashamed. In middle school I wanted to be like my math teacher, Mr. Iovinelli. He sparked my curiosity and encouraged me to ask questions. He had an odd sense of humor and treated us like rational humans, even if we weren't very rational. In high school I wanted to help people like my friends helped me in Pre-Calculus and Physics (I'm looking at you, Nicole and Timmy!) In college I wanted to spread my love of Spanish and Mathematics like all my professors did (there are too many to name here). I would even say that teaching was always my dream job. I loved teaching an intro Spanish class when I was a masters student. It fortified me in my belief that teaching was my calling.
Teaching is all I have ever known; it's the only career I've had. Everything before teaching was a job that I knew was merely a stepping stone on my path. I've followed this course and now it's changing.
This will be my last school year as a teacher.
I'm hoping and quite literally praying that this feeling of fear and anxiety is going to abate as I search for a new job or career. I keep telling myself that from the point-of-view of the baby, birth looks like death. I'm staring down the unknown and taking a leap. We'll see what's on the other side. There's a chance that I will find that I was always meant to be a teacher and I'll come back to it but, for now, it's not where I'm supposed to be. Here's to the future!
-Clare G. S.
