One of these days I'll write here regularly. It will probably be when I retire.
Pets - No news is good news. The colder weather means our dogs are spending a lot of time outdoors. They can come and go from the house as they please but they really love cold weather. Fish are fishing. Birds are birding.
Family - In a couple of months I'm going to officiate my brother's wedding! This will be my second time doing this. I'm really excited to be such an integral part of their special day. Here's a photo of my first time officiating a wedding:
Therapy - Dr. S is awesome. As stated in my previous post, I was seeing him every other week. After about 5 sessions we decided to wait for the next one. I'm doing much better now and since insurance covers a specific number of sessions in a 12 month period, I don't want to "waste" any. I'm doing better about accepting my mistakes. I'm working on being more cognizant of my emotions. I don't judge them but it's really helpful sometimes to stop and say, "Wow, I'm really upset. What's upsetting me? It's probably frustration from that meeting that didn't go well. That's a valid reaction." I don't understand why this helps stable my emotions; I simply accept that it does. Meditation really helps as well but I haven't yet set a good habit with that.
Work - I feel like I'm still adjusting to my "new" job (I started last July). We have days that we are really busy and then some days that I'm searching for what to do. I'm used to having something to do nearly constantly. Our campuses are really short staffed lately which I can only assume is due to the current COVID wave. Due to federal privacy laws (HIPAA & FERPA) the campuses can't tell me why someone is out of the office but it's pretty rare for people to take two weeks off of work at the last minute for any reason other than COVID.
Due to these shortages, I subbed a 6th grade social studies class last week for a day. It went well but it also reminded me why I left the classroom. The stress of just watching classes exhausted me. Add in lesson plans, contacting parents, meetings, grading, professional development, and a pandemic . . . I don't know how teachers get anything done nowadays.
Yesterday I went to my old stomping grounds, the high school, to help them catch up on attendance and to help train a new employee. It was amazing to see my friends. The person I trained was friendly, listened well, and had great questions. Everyone I saw said "Clare! It's so good to see you! I miss you!". However, at the end of the day I found myself crying. It hit me how much I missed seeing these people every day. When I went home and talked to my spouse he pointed out that I had spent 9 years at that campus. I had strong relationships with a lot of people there. Seeing all of them and them being so warm and welcoming was a tough reminder that I don't have those relationships at my new job yet. When he said that it seemed so obvious. Of course I don't have those kind of relationships yet; I've only been working there for about 7 months. It helped to hear that my reaction and emotions were valid.
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| A few of the amazing people I miss working with |
Volunteering - Unfortunately I have to be purposefully vague here. There's a group I volunteer with and we had some disagreements this week. I will avoid conflict if at all possible so even minor disagreements give me a lot of stress. Then, we got some information that just added more stress. We are in a situation where it feels like we are working so hard but our goal feels so far away.
Music - By Friday night I was feeling worn out from the week. My husband, his sister, and her husband were going to have dinner together at our place. To help me calm a little on my way home from work, I listened to my two favorite tracks from Hamilton, "Dear Theodosia" and "Burn". I was singing them as loud as I could in my car. I also decided that since I wasn't going anywhere, I needed some alcohol and rock 'n roll. Don't worry, I didn't over imbibe. The rock 'n roll of choice was of course my favorite band, The Old 97's. "Niteclub" popped in my head so that's what I listened to. It felt like a balm for my soul. It's amazing what some Southern Comfort and Old 97's will do to me. I posted a bit on social media and a friend pointed something out: even good weeks call for a little alcohol and a little rock 'n roll. I think I might have a new goal each week: at some point during the weekend, pour a strong drink and listen to at least one awesome song way too loud. There might even be some dancing in the kitchen while I bake cookies. I constantly try to think of ways to be more "furiously happy" in my life and I think this will be small step in the right direction.
