My rock

I know that just about every married person believes their spouse is the best but really y'all, my husband is so wonderful. Let me start with something small. I decided to put a movie on the tv for background noise while I did some paperwork at home. My husband was in a nearby room but didn't see me make my selection. No joke, not even ten seconds into the movie he asks, "Are you watching Mulan?" That's right, he can identify Mulan from just the first few seconds of music. 💜

Next up is his giving heart. My husband's parents were in town during Thanksgiving and he really wanted to do everything for them. He insisted that we all go out to the nicest restaurant in town (our city isn't huge so don't think of anything Michelin star rated!) and spoil everyone on his dime.

Look at him! How can you not love that smile?!

Finally, it's how he treats me when I'm sick. I've had a cough for a few days but yesterday I was seriously ill. I spent hours that morning on the couch, crying and groaning from the pain. He let me choose what to watch on tv, took care of our pets, and kept asking what he could do to make me more comfortable. (Of course, me being me, I kept telling him I would be just fine and not to worry) Well, I finally, uh, lost my breakfast . . . and lunch. While I was hunched over the toilet making the world's most disgusting noises, he stayed by my side and offered me the only thing I ever want when I'm like that: a cool, damp washcloth to wipe my face. He then helped me to bed, brought me a cup of water, and insisted that I nap for a few hours. He knew exactly what I needed. I later thanked him and pointed out that he really did not have to stay in the bathroom while all that went down but he replied that he wanted to make sure that he was quite literally right there by my side for whatever I needed.

I thank God for leading me to Matthew and for his love and kindness toward me everyday. We've been married for four years, together for eight, and I look forward to decades with him. He is my rock and I cannot imagine my life without him right there by my side through thick and thin.

-Clare G. S.

Fat B*tch

Today was an interesting day for one reason: a student called me a fat bitch. Yup, you read that correctly. I'm a fat bitch. You know what? If that had happened 5 years ago, I probably would have cried. Today? Today I'm going to embrace it.

Let me tell you how this came up. The grading period just ended. This student did not pass. She asked about her grade and I pointed out what caused her to not pass. She was not pleased with my response. When I walked away, she said "fat bitch". It's as simple as that.

I'm ok with it. Yes, I'm fat but I love these curves. Yes, I won't pass a student who hasn't earned that grade so I guess I'm a bitch.   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  I think I've finally grown a thick enough skin that I just don't care. Or maybe I recognize that I have enough on my plate so worrying about what a teenager thinks about me is not a priority at all. Hate me. Love me. My job is to teach you math. You aren't going to learn if I just pass you along and pray that your next math teacher is able to reach you.

So to all my fellow teachers out there, keep on teaching and keep on being bitches.

-Clare G. S.

Chucks Make Me Happy

Warning: there's a little bit of bad language in this post.

Let's be honest, teaching freshmen is no joke. I'm tired of their BS. You know, acting like they had no idea that they can't eat in the classroom or use their phones. I'm tired of telling them to stop talking over me and then them arguing that they weren't talking. So to combat that, I have to do stuff that just makes me really stupidly happy.

This means that I spent a large part of my 3-day weekend watching Bleach (I restarted from the first episode and I love it just as much as I did in high school!), playing PokemonGo, and spending some money on frivolous things. I have to live furiously happy when I can! My small frivolous purchase was a bunch of nail wraps. No one should be surprised that I chose a purple sparkly set and a Día de los Muertos set. (If you want to check them out, click here) My bigger frivolous purchase must have been designed just for me. They are just way too perfect. So first, a bit of back story.

If you knew me in high school or early college, you probably saw me wearing Chuck Taylor Converse All Stars (aka Chucks). My first pair were red high-tops and I wore them to the point that I was fixing them with duct tape. With the help of my multi-lengual TAMS friends, I wrote "I love you" in about a dozen language on their sides. I then decided on green high-tops to help me every St. Paddy's day. My last pair were gray low-tops. I can't tell you anything about any other shoes I have worn (except my first pair of cowboy boots) because none of them were special . . . except the Chucks.

I think my love of Chucks started with my sister, Monica. Being the stereotypical little sister, I had a tendency to like what my older siblings liked. I feel like Monica was always wearing Chucks so, of course, little kid Clare wanted Chucks as well. (My love of the color purple probably started with the fact that Monica's room was purple) I ended up liking them for the style and being able to easily find my size. No one wants to carry women's size 10.5 but men's size 8 is easy!

Fast forward to a about a week ago. I found out that Journey's had a special pair of Chucks. I needed them. On Sunday, I ordered them. Today, they arrived. I'M FUCKING ECSTATIC WITH THESE SHOES!

THEY ARE PURPLE AND THEY SPARKLE AND I AM SO STUPIDLY HAPPY WITH THESE DAMN SHOES. I WANT TO WEAR THEM EVERY DAMN DAY.

No joke, it put a smile on my face when I first put them on. Every single one of my students and co-workers can laugh at me for wearing these shoes and I will not care. This little thing makes me happy and that's what counts. So remember, every now and then do something that makes you stupidly happy. If possible, then find someone who shares your excitement about it. (Hi, Jo and Monica!)

-Clare G. S.

Just a Check In

Wow! How has it been 2 weeks since I last posted?! I guess life gets busy. Looking at my parent contact log, I've called/emailed/texted over 75 times to parents of my students. That's in just over a month. Yeah, that will definitely take up time. In fact, I've noticed that I spend 30 - 90 minutes each school night making sure I've done all of my parent contacts for disruptive students or students who are not following directions/school rules. It eats my time but it's required by the district. Luckily some of the parents have told me that they prefer text messages or emails so that saves time and allows me to send those messages later than I would call someone.

I've also been working on my flipped classroom. In a nutshell, I record the lesson for the day on a video and put it on a website called EdPuzzle. The students then watch the video, write the notes, and answer questions about it during class. I love it because it means students can always rewatch a video if they don't understand a concept and they can pause and ask questions without feeling like they are stopping the whole class. If they miss a day they aren't just copying a friend's notes; they are getting the same lesson that everyone else got. It's pretty sweet. It also frees me up to help students individually more often.

Outside of school I feel like my social life has blown up! Recently I spent a Friday night hanging out with some of my math department friends. We got a little bit of work done and spent a lot of time chatting and having a few drinks. It was really nice. I've also spent more time with friends just playing card games or board games. I actually planned my time really well this past weekend and got to go to a friend's kid's birthday party on Saturday afternoon, play cards with friends on Saturday night, and then spend Sunday at Wizard World  (it's a convention) in Austin. I went to bed just before midnight on Sunday so I think that was pretty good timing!

I really need to finish up some schoolwork before bed so I'm going to cut this short. Let's end with a photo, shall we? Here's my big purchase from yesterday's Wizard World:

It's a wand! It's purple and sparkly and it's so perfect. :D I now know exactly what I'll dress up as for Halloween. I hope you all are having a magical week!

-Clare G. S.

P.S. - I forgot something important! Today was the first Anime Club meeting with me (and my husband) as the advisor. The previous teacher is having some health issues and cannot teach right now. Her students told her that I like anime and here I am! I'm excited to get to know these kiddos. <3

Let's Talk Cake!

It was another rough day. Well, really the day was going alright until my last class period. There are about four students in there who do not know how to stop talking/singing/dancing/banging on their desks/etc. I've done all of my documentation for that and I've called a few parents. Hopefully they will decide to change their behavior before it causes them to fail my class and fail the state test. I will no longer be supplying glue sticks to that class because someone threw their glue stick onto the ceiling and someone glued another student's paper to his desk. Yup. These are 15 year olds. I "self-medicated" with a Five Guys burger and fries and a large piece of homemade carrot cake. Let me tell you about that cake.

As I mentioned in the last post, I baked my husband's birthday cake. He loves carrot cake so that's what he got. It is a bit odd to put fondant on carrot cake but I did it. The carrot cake sponge was a new recipe and it is awesome! The buttercream frosting was also new and just as great! I didn't make my own fondant but rather ordered some Wilton pre-made fondant. As far as fondant goes, it was pretty good. I didn't like it paired with the carrot cake but I think it would be pretty good with a different sponge. Do you want to see a photo? Of course you do!

I even made a little Erlenmeyer flask since Matthew teaches Chemistry

I'm so happy with how it came out! I WAAAAAAAAY overestimated how much fondant I would need but that's better than underestimating. I have carefully wrapped-up the unused fondant so it should be good for another cake. I'm going to be a bit obnoxious and show you a video of the cake. Again, I'm really proud of that fondant. There is one sizable place where I have wrinkles but I think that's pretty fantastic for my first time!

(Please excuse the background conversation; I was obsessing over my cake while my husband was talking to his sister and her husband.)

The BCCC party on Sunday was really fun but I didn't think to take any photos. I do have a photo of the caricature that we had made during the party.

I think Matthew is pretty darn good. I feel like mine looks a bit like my sister, Phyllis, when she was a teenager. Monday we got to play cards with our friends, Jo and Liz. That was a great way to start the day. We then spent the rest of the day working on school stuff. :(

As my mom would say, life keeps chugging along. If I remember to really stick to my discipline routine I think I can greatly help my classes. It will also be nice to go back to a flipped classroom but I need to wait until next week when all of the students should have their Chromebook. I'm sure many of you don't know what a flipped classroom is so I'll try to remember to write about it sometime soon. Tonight, I need to take a breather. My goal for the school year was to take care of myself and I think that means a long shower and a tasty drink for now. :D

-Clare G. S.

Crappy Day with a Silver Lining

Well, today wasn't the greatest. My students had their first quiz and many of them spent a lot of class complaining about the quiz, whispering to each other during the quiz, shouting at me from across the room, using their phone, etc. Mind you, this is only 2-4 students per class period but it is exhausting to deal with. It's especially irksome because they get to use their notes on the quiz! We even did a quick review of a couple of things before the quiz so that everyone had something to help them even if they left their notes at home or never wrote any notes.

Other things that put me in a bad mood: morning hall duty, cramps, hormones, and taking the dog to the vet. For hall duty I had to keep going down the stairs  to tell students to not sit on the stairs. One of my friends hung out with me while I had duty so it wasn't too bad today.

As for the vet, it's for our super-cute but not super-friendly dog, Freyja.

Look at that pretty girl! I think she might be giving me her annoyed look but that's ok.

Freyja has had some trouble with her hips for a couple of years. We have heard so many different things but it seems like most vets thought it was probably hip dysplasia. We have been giving her some supplements and everything was going ok; She was sometimes stiff but could walk it off. In the past 2 or 3 weeks she was suddenly stiff all the time and sometimes yelped when she had to stand up. So, we took her to the vet and this vet said it is arthritis in her hips and legs as well as hip dysplasia. At the very least we now have anti-inflammatory meds that should help with the pain. We will see how well those work and we might have to go back in a week or two to discuss other options. Although we did not get awful news, it is stressful and I really hate seeing my "puppy" in pain. (Side note: I can't believe our little pup is 8.5 years old and we've had her for 7! Where does the time go?!)

Let's get to the silver lining.

In the past, I have eaten lunch alone. This school year I have been eating lunch with a few of my friends in the math department. Today I was tempted to skip (I only had about 10 minutes left in lunch after doing some basic documentation of the poor student behavior) but I decided to go say hi. They helped lift my mood so much! (Thanks Brianna, Lacy, and Will!) Lacy even gave me some candy. :D

Also, I have an awesome weekend to look forward to. Tomorrow Matthew, myself, and a couple of friends are taking a super quick trip to Austin and I've been promised that we will stop for boba tea. I haven't had boba tea in over a year! Saturday is Matthew's birthday and I get to bake him a cake. (I really love baking!) Sunday is our party for everyone who volunteered at Bell County Comic Con. Finally, Monday we will be hanging out with a couple of our friends (Hi Jo and Liz!) and playing board games.

A helpful tip to keep you from getting in a negative rut: start each day by writing down three things for which you are grateful. It will help you start your day on the right foot, even if the day ends up kind of blah like mine. Make sure to look at the list when you feel down. It might help put things into perspective.

-Clare G. S.

First Day of School, 2018

Good evening!
Today I finished my seventh "first day of school" as a high school teacher. It was exhausting but for the first time I still have my voice at the end of the day! I'm trying to focus on the positives of this school year:

• The math team in general and the Algebra 1 team in specific are awesome
• No, seriously, I'm so blessed to be working with people who are not only coworkers but also friends!
• I have ONE prep
• This is my third year teaching Algebra 1 so I feel pretty good about it. I don't have to stay up late figuring out what the crud to do the next day.

First day of school photo!

To help with accountability, the big buzzword this year at THS, I'm posting my two goals for the school year here.

Goal 1 - Take care of myself. I definitely have a tendency to want everything to be just so and I end up sacrificing my health and well being. It is not a healthy habit.

Goal 2 - Classroom Management. Freshman have a certain notoriety. I really want to stick to my discipline procedures. I like to give the students extra chances but it ends up causing a mess with students complaining that another student got a warning when the other student didn't and such.

I think I'm off to a good start. It's just after 10pm and I am ready to go to bed which means I'm at least taking care of myself when it comes to my sleep schedule!

Oh, before I go, you all should definitely watch this video that John Green posted back in 2012. I showed it to my students this year and I think it's just awesome.

-Clare G. S.

Finding My Niche Part 2

Please read "Finding My Niche Part 1" here before reading this post.

I left you at the end of 2017 and the end of my first school year as a math teacher. That summer was very relaxed. A large part of it was spent playing PokemonGo which had come out the previous summer. In a nut shell, PokemonGo is an Augmented Reality (AR) game that you play on your phone. It requires you to physically move around in order to find Pokemon to catch. You can also go to "gyms" to get supplies or battle other Pokemon. These gyms are interesting places around town like historical markers, places of worship, murals, etc. Through this game my husband and I met a lot of people that I don't think we would have met anywhere else. It was really easy to talk to other Pokemon players because I knew that they wouldn't make fun of me. I mean, come on. We are all in our late 20's or older (often much older!) and we are playing a game that is aimed toward children and people who want a hefty dose of nostalgia. We are nerds. We are proud of our nerdiness. I still was afraid to actually take that step and invite people to our house for dinner but I at least now had people I call my friends.

My husband and I also went on a roadtrip from Texas to California with a nice stop in southern Arizona to visit family. I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to see my parents, my oldest sister, and some of my niblings (niblings is a more fun way to say nieces and nephews). I would definitely describe it as Furiously Happy.*

My husband and I did the tourist thing in Tombstone.

I didn't think to take photos with my family! Ah! But I did
catch this cute one of my sister and my niece.

We stopped to see London Bridge. Did you know that it's in Arizona‽

We both loved Sequoia National Park

Matthew hugged a redwood to ask forgiveness
for killing his brethren for school copies

Mid-hike at Sequoia National Park

Honestly, this is probably my favorite photo of me and my husband. It really shows our personalities. :D

At the end of the summer I learned about Bell County Comic Con through my PokemonGo friends. I had never been to any convention so I decided to volunteer to see if this would be something I liked. It was chaotic (it was the first Bell County Comic Con) but I loved it! I decided that weekend that I would definitely volunteer the next year.

The new school year started and I was so excited to teach Pre-Calculus along with Algebra I. I knew it would be difficult to teach Pre-Cal since our team was all new to the subject but I was ready for that change. That school year had some big problems but it was definitely better than the year before. I made a conscious effort to get to know some of my co-workers and by the end of the year I had more friends! Again, I was afraid to invite them to my house because I worried that it would never be clean enough but now I had people who I saw on a regular basis and felt like I could be 100% me around. I even got to watch some of the World Cup with them!

At the beginning of this summer I learned about a program that my insurance covers called AbleTo. It's basically therapy over the phone. Since it was at no cost to me and I knew that I wanted improve myself I decided to give it a try. Oh my gosh, y'all. . . I'm so glad I tried it out! My therapist was fantastic. He gave me some great ideas on how to better handle anxiety and stress. I also had a personal coach who helped me actually invite two new friends (I met them through PokemonGo) to my house! AHHHHH! It's kind of funny because we had to reschedule and we ended up at their house but the point is that I finally pushed my comfort zone and I could not be happier that I did! Matthew and I went to their house, ate pizza, played Harry Potter: Hogwarts Battle, and had a blast! (Hi, Jo and Liz!)

Then it came time for the 2nd year of Bell County Comic Con. This time Matthew decided to join me in volunteering. Well, we volunteered enough that we became part of the staff. We didn't get paid but we were trusted with more responsibility. Guess what a great side-effect of being part of the staff was? I made more friends! I know that I sound like a little kid but really, I cannot stress how big this has been for me. I have people that I get stupid happy to see and give them big ol' hugs.

Come on, how can you not love TMNT-Rex? 

I think I have finally found my niche. I still love my friends who now live all over Texas, all over the US, and even some who live all over the world. But now I also have friends who live around the corner. It's such a wonderful feeling. My next goal: taking photos with my friends. Again, it sounds silly but I feel so awkward saying "Let's take a selfie!" So to all my friends, I love taking photos with you! I might be too shy to suggest it but I'm never afraid to say yes to a photo op! :D

Before I go, a big shout out to Stephanie and all of my sister's friends in Austin! Y'all always made me feel like your friend and not just your friend's little sister. I expected you to be cordial to me but I did not expect such love from all of you.

With hugs and joy,
-Clare G. S.

P.S. - More good news! One of my friends from college is now teaching math at the same school where I teach math! We don't teach the same subjects but it's so nice to see him on a regular basis again. :D


*Go buy Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. The only reason it's not my favorite book is because, I mean, Harry Potter. Do I need to say more?

Finding My Niche Part 1

Hello from your favorite sporadic blogger! To start this story that I want to tell, I have to go back about 8 years. Back in 2012 I was no longer in school and I started teaching. I was fortunate that my boyfriend, who is now my husband, was also a high school teacher. However, we worked in schools about 30 minutes away from each other. I started that job without knowing any of my new coworkers. Matthew was incredibly supportive and there is no way I would have survived that first school year without him and my family. Their support did not erase what I realized was happening much too quickly: I was losing my friends.

I want to be clear that I wasn't losing friends because we were fighting or because either party was purposefully turning away from the other. It was just little problems that compounded: I was working more than 50 hours per week, after work I was too tired to socialize (especially since I'm an introvert!), many of my friends had moved away since they were no longer in college but I was in the same college town, I did not realize how hard it was to make friends now that I was no longer a student, etc. I had never experienced friendship just "drifting apart" and I was desperate to cling on to the friends I already had but, at the same time, I had no clue how to do that when they were physically so far from me.

As for making new friends, I think that if the people in my department had been different my story may have been different. The German teachers were wonderful but they were near retirement and I was just beginning my career. The French teacher was very warm but I was honestly intimidated by her ability to easily juggle four preps (not including the advanced classes!) when I was drowning with just three. How do you even approach someone who so completely has her shit together‽ With one exception, I felt like an outsider with the other Spanish teachers. They all were very bubbly and relaxed around each other. They immediately could tease each other and have fun but I was afraid that if I joined in on playful banter that I would accidentally insult someone and I didn't want to risk annoying my coworkers. There were other little comments made here and there that I don't think they meant to be hurtful but made sensitive me feel unwelcome. I just never felt like I fit in.

Me feeding an alpaca during my IB Spanish training. Unfortunately, the training was another experience where I didn't fit in.

After four years of feeling like I was constantly treading water in my career, I decided to switch to teaching math. It seemed like the time to jump ship because second language acquisition was moving toward proficiency-based assessment and away from the strict grammar rules that most of us learned. I 100% believe that proficiency-based is the better way to teach and to learn but, in my heart, I am a grammarian. I had the choice to completely re-write my curricula or I could change to another subject that I love. I made the leap of faith and started teaching Algebra I in 2016.

Immediately I felt like I actually fit in with the math team. Their way of thinking about teaching was very analytical, like mine. I again struggled to make friends with anyone because I was adjusting to teaching a new subject and because I was not at all prepared to deal with the discipline issues I encountered with the 9th graders. It did not help that when I talked to most of the administrators, I felt like they did not give me constructive feedback or realistic solutions to my classroom management problems. By the end of September I was so anxious about my afternoon classes that I physically could not eat lunch. I lost weight and everyone congratulated me on it. I wanted to scream at them explaining the reason for my weight loss but instead I smiled and thanked them.  I did not even realize that before the new calendar year I had fallen into a deep depression.

I will not go into the horror that is depression. I will simply say that it is by the grace of God that I found my way out. I was hanging on by a thread and They* pulled me up by that thread. To remind myself that these bouts of depression were temporary and not an end, I got a tattoo on my wrist.

For me, the semicolon is a reminder that nothing in life is a full-stop. Depression is just a longer pause but I will continue and push on.

I'm going to do something terrible to you. I'm going to end this post here. Part 1 is the first half of the story where I am lost and frightened. I'll soon post Part 2. In it I finally get to see the sunrise.

Remember, "Hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you can see it, you'll never make it through the night." -Leia Organa.

-Clare G. S.

*Side note: I prefer to refer to God as "They". My friend, Antonia, first put the idea into my head and helped me realize that it is so perfect since we believe in the Holy Trinity. Saying "He" feels like I am limiting who God is!

Edited to add: I looked back at my posts from the 2016-2017 school year. I apologize for lying to y'all on here. I wrote that I was eating less and walking more in order to lose weight. Those are true statements in a way but I was trying to fool both myself and you. I was eating less because I physically could not eat. I wanted to believe that it was due to my trying to be healthier but that's a fantasy.

Also, I forgot to mention that another reason why my depression hit so hard that school year was due to my house being TP'ed and egged multiple times. You can go back and read about that here.