On Anxiety

For those of you who don't know, I have GAD (General Anxiety Disorder). It basically means that I can get anxiety about anything. My no. 1 cause of anxiety is feeling like I can't accomplish everything I need to do on-time. Being a teacher, this can be a problem because I have to learn to prioritize what admin wants me to do. It often just isn't possible to do everything they ask. However, I feel awful when I don't do everything that is asked of me. There are lots of other things that trigger anxiety for me: doctors (especially my psychiatrist, ironically enough), crowded grocery stores, pets being unruly, etc.

Today my anxiety hit pretty hard. It was about 6pm and I was working in my classroom. The room looked pretty good so I was working on catching up on paper work. I hadn't finished my lesson plan for the week (that was due at 8am today, ugh) and I needed to edit my intro slide show since I'm teaching a new subject. It then hit me that ohmygosh I'm teaching a completely different subject! I've been teaching Spanish for four years and I'm switching to Algebra. Algebra! What if I totally messed up and told my students something incorrect? What if I forgot all of the terminology? What if the freshman are just as rowdy as everyone says they are? What if I can't handle having students with special needs in my class? I was freaking out. I sat for a moment and tried to focus on my breathing. It was helping but I could feel myself still on that edge so I went to talk to my husband.

Let me first say, I thank God daily for my husband. He knows exactly how to help me through my anxiety. So, I showed up in his classroom where he was working (we work at the same school) and said I needed a hug. He gave me a hug and asked what was wrong. That's when I started that gross hiccuping-crying. It wasn't pretty. I tried to explain my feelings and not get myself more worked up at the same time. He helped me focus on breathing. He pointed out all the stuff I don't have to worry about tomorrow: I have my syllabus printed, I have very good classroom management, I have a veteran teacher next door who also teaches Algebra 1 and can help if I need it. He reminded me that it's ok to mess up in front of the students. He reminded me that I will have an inclusion teacher to help with my students with special needs. I had made it through 4 first days of school as a teacher and survived them all; I will survive tomorrow.

I'm feeling much better now. Tomorrow still looks scary but I know I'll make it through.
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I almost forgot to update my physical health stuff! I met my goal last week of walking 5 miles. :D It feels pretty darn good. Today's walk was a mess due to my dog spotting two cats and another dog walking in front of us.

• Weight: -1 lbs
• Bust: 0
• Band: -1"
• Waist: -2"
• Hips: -.5"

All the numbers are less than or equal to 0 so I'm happy! I'll tell y'all Wednesday how the first two days of school go. :)

-Clare G. S.